


When Ace Met Mary (... and the Alternate Sues)

by Yuilhan



Category: One Piece
Genre: Crack, F/M, Gen, Mary Sue, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Pure crack for sure, no beta we die like men, trope bingo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-08-18 20:45:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16524335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yuilhan/pseuds/Yuilhan
Summary: "I'm here to save you!""Join the back of the queue."





	When Ace Met Mary (... and the Alternate Sues)

**When Ace Met Mary**

**(... _and_ the Alternate Sues)**

* * *

The sea was calm when it happened.

A screech. A thud as something collided with the lapping waves of the ocean… and a hearty splash.

Burbling sounded from overboard, but none of the Whitebeard Pirates could be bothered to crawl to the edge of the Moby Dick and to peer over the side. They were recovering after a wild night of partying and brawls after all, and the resulting hangovers and concussions took all the lethargy they possessed in order for them to sluggishly recover.

So, they let it go.

It was probably a bird drunk off of the scraps of food that had been swathed in spilt ale from the night prior. Most likely it had forgotten how to fly when the drink had gone to it's head. That was certainly how the majority of the crew felt, after all.

* * *

"I'm here to save you," the woman cried, pointing out both of her index fingers to Ace and Thatch respectively.

"That's… Er... _Good for you_?" Ace grumbled, still mildly hungover.

"No, you don't get it!" The woman protested, stomping her high heel encased foot. The hem of her candy-pink Lolita dress, with ribbons and jewels and badges all over the skirt, flounced as she stamped her feet petulantly. She flipped her dual-toned, hip length hair - that fell in spiralling curls – in frustration. " _You_ -" Here she pointed at Ace, "-and _you_ -" she pointed at Thatch, "- are going to _die_ soon and it's up to _me_ to save you."

Thatch, unimpressed with the woman's nasal, shrill tones and wildly gesticulating hands, rubbed at his temples for some relief from the pulsating headache he now sported. "Did you hit your head when you collided with the mast or something?"

* * *

"So how did you come to realise you wanted to be a pirate?" Marco inquired of the dithering young lady sat across from him in the Mess. Every once in a while, the woman's eyes would glance to a thoroughly disinterested Ace, who currently lay napping face-first in his breakfast. Marco sighed as the younger pirate snorted into the bowl of porridge beneath him and scared himself awake, only to continue eating.

"I just knew," the woman answered distractedly, watching as Ace somehow managed to shove an entire half-loaf of bread in his mouth. "I washed up on a beach about six months ago; no money or belongings with me, not even my name. The locals took me in, but I just felt so restless. It hurt, right here-" the woman placed a hand over her chest, but still looked on to Ace as he devoured even more food, "- so I knew when your ship pulled into the harbour that it was time for me to leave."

"Huh," Marco replied intelligibly. He swilled his morning coffee around his mug as he surveyed her. She was different, that's for sure, and she came across as sincere.

Too bad she was the fifth one to give him that story in just under a week.

* * *

"Save me!" She cried, cerulean blue eyes insincerely doe-like as she dived over the railings of the Moby Dick.

* * *

"Save _me_? Why would _you_ need to do that, I was perfectly fine where I was, jackass," she huffed, crossing her arms across her more than ample chest. "Like you could have done that properly either. _Ha_! You can't even dress yourselves properly."

Ace, Marco and Thatch looked to their chests, which were exposed by their unbuttoned shirts. The fiddly fixings were a pain, and well, shirts got ripped in no time – or burnt in Ace's case. Buttons were just an unnecessary faff.

* * *

"Save me!" She cried, diving at Ace in the hopes of sending them both tumbling into the ocean.

Ace, fortunately, managed to duck out of her way.

"These girls are out to get me, huh?" He queried aloud, scratching at his jaw with his index finger while some of his crew mates fished yet another delusional young lady out of the water. To be honest though, they were becoming more of a hazard than anything else. They should be put to good use, Ace believed. The crew was short of Sea King bait, so it would be like killing two News Coos with one canon ball.

* * *

"I'll stop time if I have to – so long as you're safe, I'll let it drain my life force-"

"Please don't."

"But I… I lov-"

" _Don't."_

* * *

"Alright ladies, I understand you want to all be our saviours?" A unanimous cry of 'Yes' reverberated around the deck of the Moby Dick. "Please form an orderly line."

* * *

"I get that you're attractive and all, and Marco must be some kind of chick magnet because of the bird thing-"

"I'm a _Zoan_ user! _Zoan!"_

"-but could you leave some for the rest of us?" Thatch finished, watching on defeatedly as Ace became cornered by five girls - each of them yapping about their outfits and their musical tastes and how shitty of a childhood they'd each had.

* * *

"I'm here to save you!"

"Join the back of the queue."

* * *

In Marco's opinion, this one was the craziest one yet. Even crazier than the idea that random women kept popping up out of nowhere on their ship and harassing them.

"- and I'll name you Phoenix, because you remind me of a bird. Hm, you can be 'Hay', because thatch-roofed houses use straw to make them."

"That makes absolutely zero sense," Thatch mumbled, a little hurt.

The girl, who had to be no older than seventeen, pointed to Ace. "You're freckles, because of your cute markings!"

Ace shuddered.

Finally, the girl gestured to the dozing figure of Oyaji. "Ooh! Viking!"

As various crew members and Division Commanders completed their chores, the girl would name them. Then came the lunch rush:

"I have no room for more cats," the girl whispered, horrified. She winced; her face screwed up as though she was compiling a list in her head. "I'm going to need a lot of collars."

* * *

"I'm here to save-"

"WE KNOW!"

* * *

It was quiet on the deck when it happened. The sea was rough, and only a few of them on the watch braved climbing up the rigging and into the crow's nest.

Ace, in need of a break and some fresh sea air, wandered out from below deck. A thud and a pained groan sounded from beside him, and he sighed.

The young woman rolled to her feet, rubbing at her sore head and back she sustained when she crash-landed.

"Let me guess, are you going to say that you're here to save me?" Ace intoned sarcastically.

The woman, bewildered, jumped at the sound of his voice.

"Where…" Her lower lip wobbled, and she pushed the gnarled strands of her hair out of her face with anxious hands. "Where the hell am I?"

**Author's Note:**

>  **Originally posted on FF.net**  
>  So many AceXOCs. So many tropes. AAaaAaaArgh!  
> Don't get me wrong, I love a convincing CanonXOC fic along with the best of them. Only, when I usually check the first chapters of those stories, well, let's just say I don't usually make it past Chapter One.  
> I have… no idea where this came from. Feel free to use snippets of this if they inspire you, so long as you acknowledge me in some way.
> 
> **Musical Inspiration:**  
>  "FRIENDS" – Marshmello & Anne-Marie, 'FRIENDS'
> 
> [Come natter with me here!](https://yuilhan-writes-things.tumblr.com/)


End file.
